Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
