My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
