Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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