I need to stop coming to work sober
well most of my day revolves around power hour
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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