Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
