I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have feelings that need drinking.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
