Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
