hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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