i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
