I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
