as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
