He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
