im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
