then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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