wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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