y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
