I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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