you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
