I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
