Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
