Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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