life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
