Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
