Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
