Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I look better un-naked...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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