Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize