I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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