I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
