Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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