You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I want a musical about memes.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
