Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
