Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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