Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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