Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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