she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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