Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
