I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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