what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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