i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
