dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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