Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
