And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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