I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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