god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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