The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
