I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
