That's when you crack a 10am beer
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
