If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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