Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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