I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
