She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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