At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
