Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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