i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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