hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
