just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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