He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Randomize
