I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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