Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
