the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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