ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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