i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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