He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
NoShamevember. You game?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
