singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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