they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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