There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
