I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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