At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
