I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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